Paternal Leadership - Not Always Easy

We just returned from a week-long family vacation to Maui. Let me start by saying that I have five amazing, wonderful princes entrusted to my care (the youngest isn't in this picture because my queen was hanging on to him - she was freaked because there is a huge waterfall right behind us that drops off into oblivion.)

Anyway, I'd like to say that I've got it all figured out on how to teach these guys and raise them up to be great men, real kings and valiant warriors in the battle for men's souls.

But I don't. It's really hard and quite overwhelming at times. I'm figuring it out as I go.

Take tonight for example. All the boys were in bed - the three youngest asleep. The two oldest (ten and eight) sleep in a downstairs bedroom, and they often get to sleep later than their siblings. They also are often at each other's throats...as was the case tonight. And my ventilation ducts act as a nice intercom. So I knelt down at my vent and tried to speak words of peace to them, but I could hear it escalating down there. It turned to sobs and moans, so I went on down and tried to calm things in person.

But one son was ignoring my words while the other was continuing to sob and so I finally yelled something like "ENOUGH!" Of course, this had the desired effect, but I always feel bad for losing my cool. I gave a lecture about getting along and trying to find ways to serve each other rather than constantly competing with each other, and I asked their forgiveness for losing my temper.

Now the sobbing son was calm and the other son was starting to look like he was going to cry. So I asked him why, and he told me that I had used a swear-word while we were in Hawaii - the "H" word, he said. Apparently my request for forgiveness had caused him to remember my past transgression. So I asked him to forgive me for using a bad word, and I told him that I'm not perfect and I'm always trying, and asked him to be patient with me.

I think the night ended well - it's quiet down there now. But I don't always think deeply enough about what I say and do, and don't always remember that I'm their number one example, for better or worse. I might not think something is a big deal, but their young minds and hearts might take offense. And since the idea of a millstone hanged around my neck while I sink into the sea sounds un-appealing, I think I'm going to try a bit harder.

Lest I give the wrong impression, the vacation was fabulous. There was occasional friction between siblings (which occasionally rubbed off on parents) but that was overshadowed by good memories. We had a blast and went all over the island. I find it amazing to sit back and watch my boys discover things about the world or about themselves. Sometimes I get to coach them along in that process, but there is no doubt in my mind that most of it is driven by their natural curiosity and their great souls.